Burritos Are Not For Throwing

“We’re closed! Go away.”

“Umm. Okay. The sign just said you’re open.”

“Yeah. Can we borrow your tools to fix that?”

“Hold up! You just said you won’t make me a burrito but you need my tools? My tools are closed.”

“…Ugh! I’ll make you food will you help me?”

There is a planned layout for a lot of businesses. You open. Things work. The boss leaves. Things fall apart. Things never seem to fall apart when the boss is there. Only ten minutes before you’re closed.

“This thing its supposed to—.”

“Well! If you know how to fix it go ahead.”


I stared at the thing. It moves. This way. I grab my glasses screwdriver and some tweezers. I take a deep breath and connect the wires. The sign goes off. Aha! Bad ground and a good switch.

“Can you look at this too?”

“Damn. Woman?”

“Sorry. Just one more thing.”

The door. My nemesis. I’m surprised someone hasn’t tried to through a brick through it like the other places on the block. It’s so common it looks normal to see ductape going every direction to keep the glass from falling out. The sign reading:


Why should they apologize for other customers so aggravated about a stale burrito? Fast food is really only good for the first few minutes. Maybe. Two red lights on your way home and your fries are already cold. The meat coagulated before it even had time to coat your arteries. It’s life. You paid for it to be a warm bag in your hand and not in your mouth. It’s not to be compared to a home cooked meal it is calories with a few flavors.

I stare at the door and try to imagine what possessed him. The striking point was the size of the decorative rocks outside. They must weigh at least forty pounds. So. This man, gets a burrito. Pulls away from the drive thru maybe comes in. Yells. Doesn’t get what he wants and then not to be outdone by NO ONE. Hurls a forty pound boulder through a brand new front door? It’s Phoenix.

I may look crazy with my videos and horn and safety clothes while riding my bicycle. I get the same response of boulders being thrown at me while riding my bicycle.

But, how is this a normal response? Why is this the new normal that any perceived slight must be immediately reciprocated with violence? They’ve turned advocacy into an instrument. A knife more than an instrument of peaceful resolve. Would I like cars to do the right thing because its the law? That’s a dumb question. Next.

I think about this while I fix her door and add more duct tape to the freshly broken window. Maybe we were hours a part this man and I. I see fresh tire burnout marks on the brand new asphalt. This building was just made. Someone had a dream to sell burritos in this neighborhood. It’s been a week and this is the feedback they’ve received from customers. If you’re pissed, just leave a one star review in the thousand restaurant reviews websites. Google. Yelp. OpenTable. Zagat. Facebook.

Go sit in your car and facetime with your food. Make a quick Instagram story about your bad experience. There’s very little else reasonable people will do. They will get tired of their campaign against unfair burrito practices. There’s not enough guacamole for it being extra. The meat is too crunchy. The lettuce is too green. The salsa sucks. The salsa is too spicy. I got the runs. I’m constipated. It gave me…

You know what unreasonable people do in responses to perceived slights? They try to throw lawn decorations through brand new doors.