Help the most people.

My hospital bed

The first night in my hospital bed. I was frightened. I was disappointed. I had a plan. Not, to be in the hospital for an unknown cause. A known symptom but nothing was adding up. I loved people. I didn’t care in the moment if they were Republican or Democrats. Or. Karens. Or, whatever else we used to divide each other in moments of fear. I’ve never been that scared to do nothing. We say things as a reaction to things or actions we do not understand. Making the simple complex. Then reward ourselves for our “hard work.”

I was making beer in the night time and working on my medical certifications in the day time. I had no time for fun or complex. I let many things go. It helped, that night ALL my accounts for local Phoenix businesses had enough to get by until coverage was available. I was, okay. I thought. I just, had a different plan from this one getting to the hospital. I wanted this part to be different for me. Walking in, high fiving security. Hanging out with the janitors. Meeting my bosse(s). Looking at cases and charts. Not emailing my school and withdrawing from ALL classes. The ones you wait a semester or two to start. Waiting for people to fail or quit. The hard classes.

Humility is a hard class too. In Latin, it means shame. Not the modern version of being a Kardashian and roughing it with some McDonald’s. I wanted to help people in a different way in my grown up life with medicine. At a hospital and doing the most good. Filling the every growing shortage of medical personnel. I thought about it that night. I may not have gotten as far as I wanted but I did get far enough to get to a final exam on Monday. At one of the largest universities in America.