I should’ve fell in love a long time ago. Learned forgiveness. Kept things together. Just worked another job. A third job. If I loved. If I really loved her I would have done all that. The love as transaction the breakfast burrito but no Sriracha. It’s my fault there’s no Sriracha. I was selfish. I was selfish for working all the time.
I used to tell myself these things. I’d sit there like this and drink coffee and think about why I couldn’t just forgive my ex-wife. Yes. When she wants to play the victim I remind her why we’re divorced. Have at it pity party.
You can love and it can be unfair. You get to keep the unfairness and either be an actual selfish man. Or. You can forgive, and when love does enter your life again. You won’t blame her. You won’t second guess what she’s telling you. You won’t put that burden on her that was put on you and what you became from loving. Like a plant that leans towards the sun.
To my ex-wife I forgive you.