I Made This Today

I was, in the hospital just a few months ago. Just, a split second decision to save my life. All this time, since it’s just bonus time. I was dying just a little after Valentine’s day of a broken heart. I see the irony. 😁🤣 One might need a heart before it is broken.

I’d chat up the night doctors about variants and any substantial new procedures. I’d spend the day reading medical journals and asking for my tests.

We looked at it.

Well. Let me see it then.

There’s no point.

What’s the point of

saving me then?

Show me the tests. I can read them.

Data. When it’s this personal. Just, it was hard to not break down at least once an hour. I didn’t have any big plans or anything. I’ve worked since I was small. Just started to go to college for medicine now I’m reading my chart and all the abbreviations.

That’s the—.

I know.

Then we—.

I see it.

These huge masses. All across my chest. It would be impossible to go in and fix. Just, impossible. As far as time, who knows really with that much damage. I looked out the window to the Phoenix skyline. I’m not an addict. I’m not, I just—. What’s next? Death. Maybe.

A feeling like fingers inside me taps at my spine and along my rib cage.

They’ll start moving.

That’s new.

I took it easy for a while. I got rid of extra stresses. I was supposed to be dead on Valentine’s Day. Not, being morbid it’s what put me in the hospital. It was trying to kill me. It was just, all I got in this life.

Bodies. Are an anomaly. We figure out how to stand and somehow that was enough to conquer all of Earth. Our eyes guide us but it’s our ears that give us directions.

Then, a tissue repair bounces around like bullet fragments. Tiny pieces explode thousands of times. That’s, where I am. Some days I feel great and do like three workouts. Then, other days I just can’t and sleep all day. All the stitches from my life their scars now hold me together.

I will do something with this bonus time. It will not be grand and super popular. It will just, be enough. If I do not wake up one day soon it will be enough. All of it.