I’m not tall.

I tried that Tinder-ish thing today. There’s so many of them. I just picked one. Filled out a few questions. Then, it’s like the Cheesecake Factory menu but of people.

Tall. Comes up often. For women.

I’m not tall. I’m average. All my friends are tall. Which is above average meaning taller than me. I’ve done the reverse and dated giraffe women but, in Phoenix tall is such a priority.

  • Don’t talk to me if you’re under 5’9
  • Don’t talk to me if you’re under 6′
  • Don’t talk to me if you’re not at least 8′

Did you just, need a ladder? Buying one is probably cheaper than a relationship. I see red flags.

I see Phoenix Arizona women that want you to be insecure. Like, maybe a woman might be with small bras or even an STD. Hm. Then, my Mom texted me.

That’s my generation Mom, you and Dad met each other with nothing and grew together. My generation doesn’t do that. They want tall and rich like the shows.


So. I know I mentioned tall. I think it’s code. It’s really vague isn’t it? Tall. Beyond the other red flags. Anti-vaxxers. Trump supporters. Anti-Trump supporters. Fat shamers. It’s like how many people are unbalanced and still trying to find someone? 🤣🤣🤣🤦‍♂️

I’ve not been on a date since maybe 8 years? She ran a hospital and was so pretty I almost didn’t want to touch her. I wasn’t enough. I was taller but it’s really all perspective. Taller. Is still tall. It’s not that complex fitting a box of someone else’s imagination. Their love of their life.

All the romantic notions we vomit forth as ultimatums in order to continue. Or, the ever elusive:

You need to figure out what I’m thinking.

A Woman I Was With

I packed my stuff and leased an apartment across the street. I’m not a genius. Just a guy that’s not that tall. Well. Unless you’re really short. Then, what do you consider short? Oh. There I go trying to figure out what you’re thinking.

We try, we really try to put people into categories. Organizing them like childhood games. In the UK, FMK was popular. F— marry or kill. I think children started playing it around sixth grade here. A couple girls from the UK came back to share it. 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️ Our first taste of online dating. I see the connection.

Pre-internet. Pre-puberty. Playing. FMK. Where were our parents? They were from the UK probably having some alcohol and playing FMK with each other. 🙄🤣😳👋

There were similar ways of organizing people based on attractiveness. I think, that might also be why Americans divorce often. Secretly. You don’t want it to be so, you don’t want to admit you’re so shallow. Until, an affair and it’s never the fat one. The smart one. The short one.

Think about that next time you want another tall guy in Phoenix Arizona. Just get a ladder.