The Wedding Dress

“Di andare a cercare un vestito.” (I’ll find my own dress.)

My Best Friend’s Girlfriend

I smiled. Inside I’m dying laughing. I want to hug her in her fancy nails and smelly bath stuff. Way different from the woman that was free climbing boulders and base jumping in Northern Europe. I put out my hand to shake hers and she grabs it and walked me outside.

I guess, we’re going to find a dress. On a Friday in Phoenix traffic. With a guy, that has no idea how to dress a woman. I think she’s fine. Put on some pants already and get married. I’ll wait. In the chapel. In the back by the hand washing station. That’s a really fancy emergency eye wash must deal with precious metals.

The first place was a bust. We went, to a fancy dressmaker who absolutely refused us until she pleaded. Then, only stuff on the racks he doesn’t have the time to make something special. I looked at him. So the rack stuff isn’t special? He made that for someone. They, were special. She went nuts grabbing two and three dresses. Then, running to the place where you spin and twirl in front of mirrors. It’s a large part of the store. I guess, that’s okay it could have been another bathroom and that would have made more sense.

Like every five minutes she jumped out of a dress and into another. Then stomped and danced in front of the mirrors. Singing. “Party in the USA.”

I’m so…I just want to laugh but I know she’s being serious. She has a theme song. She has a mission. All I see is little feet dancing under the dressing room.




She turned and smiled. Someone helped her with her makeup this morning. She was beautiful. You can tell when a woman loves what she’s wearing. Everything about her when you meet again is just, beautiful. I nodded.

It’s $10,000 before taxes. I could have it ready Saturday for another fee.”

I forgot he was there and just kept staring at her. He’s really lucky. I nod really hard and start to hand over the money.

She watches me. I smiled at her. She wanted it.

We get burgers after and sit down. I think, not the best men would take advantage even just a little bit. With this kind of intimacy towards a spouse of another. They would have an agenda. They got this far today “and then tomorrow I’ll…”

I’m not like that, I have so much homework.

She grabs my hand because she needs a second to calm down. We sit there for a second. Let her anxiousness disappear. I rub her forearms until she nods with her eyes closed. Then, we eat burgers.

We walked out of the burger place after. Passing a discount clothing place. One where everyone kind of leaves shirts stacked on top of the racks not on their hangers.

She grabs my hand again but in delight.

“Sei sicuro che? (You sure)”

She immediately flies to her section. Starts pushing dresses to the left and mumbling in Italian. Some cuss words. We’ll, skip those. Then, bam! A white dress.

It looks so similar to the one we just bought.


Um. I start looking around the dress she has pressed against her body tightly. Running my hands over it. Then, I realized how close we were.

“You too make a lovely couple.”

I look behind me and smile at the older lady with framed pictures of Europe in her cart. Some kind of cat planter at the bottom.


“Cos’ha detto?” (What’d she say)

“Penso che, um…abbiamo innamorato.” (She thinks we’re in love.)

“No g—–.” (Expletives, lots of them)

I feel like cussing after that lady too. Why did she have to say anything? We were fine. I was fine. She’s not okay, still cussing in the dressing room.

I smile at the lady that’s waiting with a cart and children.

“She had a bad day. It’s okay. It’s in Italian.”

“It sounds nice.”

She walks out in the dress. Just as beautiful as before. The hallway seemed to stretch forever. She looked at me. Maybe it’s when someone that beautiful looks at you that you feel loved. I nodded again. We bought it for $30. A $30 wedding dress.

Then we went back for the $10,000 we just put down on the last dress.

“Yoo. Kenn-zeee. Yoo. Okay? Yooo. Air. Gooood. Men.”

She was trying to frame us. It is okay, I framed us since we left the airport together with my best friend. So. Why do it again? Just because, there was a few weirdly intimate parts of the day. I’m not in love with her. She’s beautiful. She’s funny. She’s wild. She has an amazing body that makes me blush. I’ve never taken advantage of the need to be her translator of the world around us. I’m happy, in a few hours she will be family.